Is THIS Dangerous Territory??

[Dax Moy]

Hey Guys

I just got an interesting email from 'M' regarding one of my MAGIC Hundred messages that seems to have caused her a few concerns.

The email was about telling your truths. Here it is below...


Do unto others as you truly feel like doing unto others M.

I'm serious!

What do you most want to say?

How do you most want to act?

The 'stuff' you're keeping bottled up inside helps no-one Michelle.
Remember that.

Your truth is all you have. All you REALLY have, I mean.

In fact, whenever you're unhappy it's because you're not living in
accordance with your truth.

You're not saying what you WANT to say.

You're not acting how you WANT to act.

Shame.

Life's much more fun when you do : )

Truth, joy and love

Dax Moy
http://www.themagichundred.com

P.S -People think the truth is hard. It's not.

Didn't someone once say 'the tuth shall set you free'?

Very wise man ; )


Here's M's response...

I have been watching your business for a while and was just thinking of jumping in to see what it is you are selling. But, then I just received your last mail and I had to read it several times to make sure it wasn't a joke. I have to ask, are you kidding? This can't be from you. What kind of encouragement is that?

Truth in LOVE should be your message at the least.

Are all people you are giving these instructions to 'wise' people? There are many insensitive, confused, lost, ill people that have truths that are not healthy, good, kind, correct or reality. Even healthy people would love to say something to get if off their chest, but don't because of love, compassion and decency for mankind.

If people are searching which most people looking to your truths and encouragement probably are, then I believe you have a responsibility to not be irresponsible in your leadership.

Just one example:
If I feel like knocking the snot out of another person because I "feel like doing this unto another" is that "Truth"? Is that all I REALLY have?

If I tell the truth to someone I work with that has BO that they really stink and to start using soap or tell my kid that has ADD that his teachers don't like him in their class and I grow to hate his immature, destructive, hyper behavior everyday because inside that is what I'm saying, is that fun? Who would that be fun for as you say in your message?

I'm really not sure what you were thinking but, that, Dax, would be a shame if even the best intentioned people walked out your advice. The tongue is sharper than a sword. Dangerous territory you are treading in. It takes just one person. Or, one person to pass your email to someone that will do or say something regretful. Do you really want that on your conscience?

Some interesting points and pretty well made I think. Here's my response...


Hi M

Thanks for taking the time to write me with your thoughts... your truth... on how you saw the last email : )

Let me spell it out for you a little clearer so that you can understand my intention.

You're either telling the truth or your not. Period.

If you're not telling the truth then, by default, you're lying. Period.

Failing to speak your truth is, in effect, telling lies to people.

Now, in the specific cases you mention, love isn't (at least to my way of thinking) lying so that we don't hurt another person's feelings. Love is telling the truth to ourselves and to others all the time. Something that few of us (myself included) ever accomplish. Though, I believe, those of us that take that approach are moving closer to being truly loving than those who cloak our truths.

Now, if you have, as you say, an 'unhealthy' truth, one that may hurt others to share, is it really because the truth itself is hurtful or because so many 'small' lies have been told over time that they compound into one, big, huge painful 'dumping' of truth onto the other person?

Wouldn't the telling of the 'small' truths at each step of the way have avoided the painful 'truth dump' that you're speaking of?

Regarding the 'knocking the snot out of another' example, we rarely get to that point as a first instance do we? We get there as a result of lying. For example, if you cut me up in your car and I get out and thump you, it's because I told myself the lie that being cut up is important when, in reality, it's not at all.

If we are arguing and I feel physical toward you it's because I've told myself the lie that your disagreement with my point of view weakens or insults me in some way when, in reality, your disagreement is merely that, a disagreement. Nothing more, nothing less. My truth is that whether or not you agree with me is irrelevent. My lie is, 'how dare she question me??!!'

If I have BO (which, as a personal trainer I'm very sensitive to) and you DON'T tell me, who are you helping? Not you who has to smell me, not me who is unaware of the negative image I'm portraying of myself and not the others who will work with me after you are gone?

Worse, you are making negative judgements about me and my hygiene unfairly. You haven't told me it's an issue, yet you hold the thought in your own head and, in all likelihood, talk about me to other colleagues behind my back.

Is this not lying? Thinking one thing yet saying another?

With the ADD child, is it not better to explain the truth to the child about why the other children avoid playing with him so that he can learn how to better associate with them in the future rather than leaving him to carry on with behaviours that are causing others to resent him and isolate him from their games?

The truth is, 'M', the truth SHALL set you (and others) free. I mean the big Truth with a capital 'T' not those that we try to wield as a weapon. In fact, if you always tell your truth, people will see you for what you really are; a caring, loving, kind, compassionate individual.

At least, that's the truth that I'm trying to build for myself and my own life.

I'm sorry that you felt the revelation of my truth to be inappropriate in some way and it was never my intention to offend, but I stand by the message 100% as I feel that it speaks true to who I am trying to present myself as.

Truth, joy and love

Dax Moy
Author Of The MAGIC Hundred
The Fastest Goal Achievement Program On The Planet!
http://www.themagichundred.com


Now, my question to you guys here in the community. What do you think about all this? What's your take on my 'Truth' email and M's response?

I'm really interested to know what you guys all think on the subject of living and telling our truths. In fact, I'm more than interested : )

C'mon then, fire away : )

Dax

[Doak Lambert]

Dax:

Great thought provoking dialogue.

The key for me is "speaking truth in love".

I'll give you an example. A very good friend of mine decided as an adult to take up the guitar, which led to writing songs, which led to singing, which led to him wanting to record a CD. He played and sang a song for me one night that he had written and then asked me what I thought. I felt it was my responsibility to tell him the truth. He had become quite accomplished as a guitar player and even more brilliant as a song writer...but to my ear, he had a very average singing voice.

I encouraged him by telling him how much I loved the song he had written and played, but if he ever wanted it recorded, he should find a great singer to record it. That visibly hurt his feelings, but that was the truth inside my head at the moment. If I could get a do-over, I would have spoken to his strengths and just not said anything about his vocals. If I had chosen not to say anything about his vocals, would that have made me a liar? The opposite of truth is deceit. Would I have been deceitful if I had just not mentioned the weak vocals and concentrated all my remarks on just the great song writing and guitar mastery?

I've come to believe that being silent regarding the vocals would have been a wiser and more compassionate choice. Fast forward 15 years...he did end up recording his own CD and has had moderate success in his local market.

The same "very wise man" that said "the truth shall set you free" also taught love, compassion, kindness, gentleness, self control, discernment, wisdom and encouragement towards one another. Words matter. If my words do not convey the truth spoken with love, then I'm going to keep them to myself. Unless, of course, they want to pay me several million dollars to be a judge on American Idol. Then I'll speak the truth with or without love.

Doak

[Michelle]

humm - not sure I entirely agree here.

You can't make anyone happy/unhappy.... My husband does things that make me happy.Its not that i choose to be happy - I just get this incredible feeling of joy. I don't think, ok, he did that and I now choose to be happy about it. Some things are simply chemical and natural reactions - the consious thought comes afterwards. Same with anger - you respond to it and then the 'why am I angry?' thought kicks in afterwards - then you can choose to put it aside.

So I agree you can choose to react in a certain way to situations but don't agree that this is always the case and that your actions do not bear consequences - I am forever telling my children this!!

Austin Lawrence said:

Hey Liz, I still stand by my statement that I can't offend or upset anyone. By the same token I can't make anybody happy, except myself. It's their choice or decision, BUT if I do say something I know will get them to respond in a way that makes them upset and I do this just for the hell of it, then yes I lack compassion and probably deserve a slap too : )

[Dax Moy]

Fascinating stuff here, isn't it? : )

Can someone else make us feel something we don't want to? Well, I guess a kick in the shins will hurt, right : ) But in the 'bigger picture' of emotional feeling, my personal perspective and my personal truth (which may well be wrong for you as you read this right now) is that I choose my emotions. If I choose to be hurt by your comments then I am. If I choose to accept it as 'information' then that's all it is.

I think though that this choice is made easier to accomplish when the person engaging in sharing their truth with us is doing so from a place that we perceive as 'loving' or 'caring'.

A practiced spirit, however, can and does choose their reactions and responses to what happens around them. The Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed the Prophet would all be pretty good examples, I think. So would so many others including the Dalai Lama and others.

I wonder if one of those people stood before you and told you of BO or halitosis if you would be offended? : )

I agree though that our actions have consequences. Both good and bad (for want of a better expression though maybe 'positive and negative' may be better). If our feedback about BO (I love how this has become the centrepiece of this communication) is given without compassion or we've not taken into account the current 'place' the other person is 'at' then our information could cause a form of harm to them.

Truth then, to my way of thinking, needs to be delivered with compassion for the message, the messenger, the recipient and the circumstances they all find themselves in at that time. That doesn't mean that we should 'pull our punches' but to think about what the aim of the message is and whether our method for delivering it is the 'highest and best' method we have available to us.

Wouldn't it be great if we could all deliver our truths that way? : )

[nancy]

I think what you said was right on and if M is 'true' to M's self, the arguments shared were purely that, 'arguments' which do not represent 'truth' but a way to hear oneself talk or in this case, see oneself talk.
Real truth always involves compassion even if it is not what someone else wishes to hear.
Keep up the straight talk Dax.

Namaste,
Nancy

[Numa]

I've told an adult class mate while we were on his own that he had BO and that, as a result, our class was
inconvenienced. He took it very well but was just concerned about the financial implications. He continued
to speak with me. Quite frankly, I thought I was doing him a favour as a journalist. Who would want to be
interviewed by him? What kind of career would he have.
Just this week I replied to a gift of 1 kg of cake sent (lovingly no doubt) sent through the post. I had had
a conversation with this relative in which she asked if the carbo addiction I was describing was an eating
disorder. I said, it was. I told her I want to avoid sugar and some flour products. Now she sent me a 1 kg cake.
Should I just have chucked this in the bin/given it away and kept my mouth shut except to utter the untruth
of how much I appreciated her present?
Numa

[Dax Moy]

Hey Numa

I've had almost the exact same scenario : )

In my own case I simply said thankyou but explained that I can't eat the gift but that I would share it with others for whom it was 'allowed'.

Wasn't a problem at all and, of course, that person never wasted her energies by providing the same gift in the future.

I was genuinely grateful for the hought though, and that counted much : )

Dax


Numa said:

I've told an adult class mate while we were on his own that he had BO and that, as a result, our class was
inconvenienced. He took it very well but was just concerned about the financial implications. He continued
to speak with me. Quite frankly, I thought I was doing him a favour as a journalist. Who would want to be
interviewed by him? What kind of career would he have.
Just this week I replied to a gift of 1 kg of cake sent (lovingly no doubt) sent through the post. I had had
a conversation with this relative in which she asked if the carbo addiction I was describing was an eating
disorder. I said, it was. I told her I want to avoid sugar and some flour products. Now she sent me a 1 kg cake.
Should I just have chucked this in the bin/given it away and kept my mouth shut except to utter the untruth
of how much I appreciated her present?
Numa