Is THIS Dangerous Territory??

[Dax Moy]

Hey Guys

I just got an interesting email from 'M' regarding one of my MAGIC Hundred messages that seems to have caused her a few concerns.

The email was about telling your truths. Here it is below...


Do unto others as you truly feel like doing unto others M.

I'm serious!

What do you most want to say?

How do you most want to act?

The 'stuff' you're keeping bottled up inside helps no-one Michelle.
Remember that.

Your truth is all you have. All you REALLY have, I mean.

In fact, whenever you're unhappy it's because you're not living in
accordance with your truth.

You're not saying what you WANT to say.

You're not acting how you WANT to act.

Shame.

Life's much more fun when you do : )

Truth, joy and love

Dax Moy
http://www.themagichundred.com

P.S -People think the truth is hard. It's not.

Didn't someone once say 'the tuth shall set you free'?

Very wise man ; )


Here's M's response...

I have been watching your business for a while and was just thinking of jumping in to see what it is you are selling. But, then I just received your last mail and I had to read it several times to make sure it wasn't a joke. I have to ask, are you kidding? This can't be from you. What kind of encouragement is that?

Truth in LOVE should be your message at the least.

Are all people you are giving these instructions to 'wise' people? There are many insensitive, confused, lost, ill people that have truths that are not healthy, good, kind, correct or reality. Even healthy people would love to say something to get if off their chest, but don't because of love, compassion and decency for mankind.

If people are searching which most people looking to your truths and encouragement probably are, then I believe you have a responsibility to not be irresponsible in your leadership.

Just one example:
If I feel like knocking the snot out of another person because I "feel like doing this unto another" is that "Truth"? Is that all I REALLY have?

If I tell the truth to someone I work with that has BO that they really stink and to start using soap or tell my kid that has ADD that his teachers don't like him in their class and I grow to hate his immature, destructive, hyper behavior everyday because inside that is what I'm saying, is that fun? Who would that be fun for as you say in your message?

I'm really not sure what you were thinking but, that, Dax, would be a shame if even the best intentioned people walked out your advice. The tongue is sharper than a sword. Dangerous territory you are treading in. It takes just one person. Or, one person to pass your email to someone that will do or say something regretful. Do you really want that on your conscience?

Some interesting points and pretty well made I think. Here's my response...


Hi M

Thanks for taking the time to write me with your thoughts... your truth... on how you saw the last email : )

Let me spell it out for you a little clearer so that you can understand my intention.

You're either telling the truth or your not. Period.

If you're not telling the truth then, by default, you're lying. Period.

Failing to speak your truth is, in effect, telling lies to people.

Now, in the specific cases you mention, love isn't (at least to my way of thinking) lying so that we don't hurt another person's feelings. Love is telling the truth to ourselves and to others all the time. Something that few of us (myself included) ever accomplish. Though, I believe, those of us that take that approach are moving closer to being truly loving than those who cloak our truths.

Now, if you have, as you say, an 'unhealthy' truth, one that may hurt others to share, is it really because the truth itself is hurtful or because so many 'small' lies have been told over time that they compound into one, big, huge painful 'dumping' of truth onto the other person?

Wouldn't the telling of the 'small' truths at each step of the way have avoided the painful 'truth dump' that you're speaking of?

Regarding the 'knocking the snot out of another' example, we rarely get to that point as a first instance do we? We get there as a result of lying. For example, if you cut me up in your car and I get out and thump you, it's because I told myself the lie that being cut up is important when, in reality, it's not at all.

If we are arguing and I feel physical toward you it's because I've told myself the lie that your disagreement with my point of view weakens or insults me in some way when, in reality, your disagreement is merely that, a disagreement. Nothing more, nothing less. My truth is that whether or not you agree with me is irrelevent. My lie is, 'how dare she question me??!!'

If I have BO (which, as a personal trainer I'm very sensitive to) and you DON'T tell me, who are you helping? Not you who has to smell me, not me who is unaware of the negative image I'm portraying of myself and not the others who will work with me after you are gone?

Worse, you are making negative judgements about me and my hygiene unfairly. You haven't told me it's an issue, yet you hold the thought in your own head and, in all likelihood, talk about me to other colleagues behind my back.

Is this not lying? Thinking one thing yet saying another?

With the ADD child, is it not better to explain the truth to the child about why the other children avoid playing with him so that he can learn how to better associate with them in the future rather than leaving him to carry on with behaviours that are causing others to resent him and isolate him from their games?

The truth is, 'M', the truth SHALL set you (and others) free. I mean the big Truth with a capital 'T' not those that we try to wield as a weapon. In fact, if you always tell your truth, people will see you for what you really are; a caring, loving, kind, compassionate individual.

At least, that's the truth that I'm trying to build for myself and my own life.

I'm sorry that you felt the revelation of my truth to be inappropriate in some way and it was never my intention to offend, but I stand by the message 100% as I feel that it speaks true to who I am trying to present myself as.

Truth, joy and love

Dax Moy
Author Of The MAGIC Hundred
The Fastest Goal Achievement Program On The Planet!
http://www.themagichundred.com


Now, my question to you guys here in the community. What do you think about all this? What's your take on my 'Truth' email and M's response?

I'm really interested to know what you guys all think on the subject of living and telling our truths. In fact, I'm more than interested : )

C'mon then, fire away : )

Dax

[Austin Lawrence]

Hey Dax, couldn't agree with you more, maybe something to do with the Integrated Ccoaching Concepts (ICC) course last month though ; )
I still find myself holding back sometimes, but I'm getting a lot better.

I've had a few people recently get a bit pissed with my answers to questons recently, but I spoke my truth, they chose to respond the way they did, not my fault I didn't give them the answer they wanted to hear.

Still going through a lot of the info from the ICC course, really a time of self discovery for me right now.

Austin

[Michelle]

I'll have a think... and just so you know guys.... I'm not this Michelle!!

[Liz Roddis]

I'm not part of the Magic Hundred, but I thought I'd chip in my tuppence anyway : )

Truth is subjective. Your truth is going to be different to my truth. What's decisive, what makes the difference, is context. Often, for me, the context is love. And with context comes responsibility.

Let me explain what I mean.

As an example, let's say Dax, you have BO (you smelled lovely when I met you, so please don't take any of this personally!).

If I love you, and you know I love you, then me telling me you have BO is no more than a part of that love for you. So when my girlfriend tells me I have bad breath, or whatever, I know she's telling me because she loves me.

Now let's say that love is missing: then me telling you I have BO is simply offensive.

[Liz Roddis]

So what about responsibility: well, there's taking responsibility for stating my truth, and there's being responsible for the consequences too. What happens if my telling you my truth hurts, upsets or offends you? Then I have to be responsible for sorting it out, clearing up the mess. Otherwise, all that happens is that there'll be a lot of hurt and anger left lying around in my world, and i don't want that.

To my mind, all this is really important for making a statement about who I am in the world.

[Austin Lawrence]

Hey Liz, your correct people will differ on their truths, still if you're not living your truths then by default you're a liar.

Telling your truth can NEVER upset or offend someone. People choose to get offended or upset to what's been said or done.

There's even a formula: E + R = O

Environment + Reaction = Outcome

We can't choose the environment, but we can choose how we react to it, thus changing the outcome

Austin

[Liz Roddis]

I'd agree with that to an extent, but I don't think you can say you'll never upset or offend someone. That seems to lack compassion, and could come off as high handed or arrogant. You have to be responsible about how it will be received, too, or you won't communicate effectively.

[LeanRainmakingMachine]

First, tell truth with love, but tell it.

Second: some truths are best left unsaid. When not speaking will not compromise your true integrity and would damage another, there is no good reason to do so. Notably, this means that if it Helps another, speak it.
Easy example: someone is permanently deformed and you find him hideous. That truth ought not be told, and you ought to work on your lack of empathy and compassion.
So, in many ways both you and M are "correct"--the truth is in the details.
Bottom line: if we are to live in a civilized society, there will be times to withhold our truths, but they are quite limited.

[LeanRainmakingMachine]

"You stink--you have bad BO and I can't stand being near you; I want to vomit because you're so foul"

"Mike, I've noticed a few times when you were a bit ripe.
You know, some people, especially some women, might find it off putting. You should know I used to have the same problem and now I always shower immediately after exercise and use Rightgard. The babes have been all over me ever since. You should try it..."

[Shai James]

Hey Dax,

Great post and very thought provoking.
My initial thoughts were agreement with you then, I started to play devil's advocate and thought are things really that clear cut, that black and white?
What about all the little grey areas in between? I started thinking about compassion and telling little 'white lies' to people as to protect their feelings. It's definitely an area I've struggled with in the past, in tactfully handling 'sensitive issues' as the truth can be very blunt and usually then causes offense so I think that firstly it's all about perspective and lots of tact.
But by witholding the truth we ultimately are doing both ourselves and those around us an injustice.
Also there is also the fine line between arrogance and confidence, but ultimately we cannot control peoples reactions or how they process how they 'see' us, we can just be ourselves and therefore focus on making ourselves as happy and the best that we can be ... sorry not sure if this is making sense but just trying to write my truth as I process it.
Then, I think it comes down to awareness, as if we are truthful with ourselves this is the path to personal power and happiness.
By living our truth we avoid the resentment and other negative feelings we manifest and internalise by 'holding back', as well as avoid being offended by others who disagree with us. We know/realise its not a personal attack against us just their opinion/their truth.
If we know the truth about ourselves, the opinions of others should not affect that and only serve as either a reminder of our truth or an addition to it. Which leads full circle as anyone who helps me to gain awareness of myself is truly a blessing. One I'll always welcome and be grateful for.
So once again, thank you Dax (and other forum memebers) for making me re-visit this paradigm and re-assess my position within it.


Shai

[Austin Lawrence]

Hey Liz, I still stand by my statement that I can't offend or upset anyone. By the same token I can't make anybody happy, except myself. It's their choice or decision, BUT if I do say something I know will get them to respond in a way that makes them upset and I do this just for the hell of it, then yes I lack compassion and probably deserve a slap too : )

[Rob Floris]

Speak the truth always, period. If you lie you'll have a lot to remember and people will never look at you the same as before when they catch you lying.
Speak the truth, it'll be hard for several, but you'll earn respect from all others.

[Niki Murphy]

Hi Dax, interesting topic.
I agree that at all times we should strive to tell the truth and remain true to ourselves and our values. But I think you must take responsibility for the consequences of telling the truth as much as telling a lie, because although you may be "in the right" you may damage another person emotionally or even physically (through shock) in some way, in this respect I agree with Liz. If you must tell the truth whatever the consequences and turf the responsibility for the fallout onto the recipient, then that in itself is not being truthful, because you have enlightened the person to the truth and therefore presumably cared enough to say it, you should therefore care enough about their reaction to it and the possible effect on their lives. If, by telling the truth, you directly cause something to happen, then that statement of truth may have dire consequences. Sometimes telling the truth can't be fobbed off with a simple "the truth must be told". Withholding the truth, whilst not to be encouraged, is sometimes the kindest option when you know it will cause others great pain, so let's not forget to be kind too. ps. A whole other question is whether "truth" can be plural....

Liz Roddis said:

I'd agree with that to an extent, but I don't think you can say you'll never upset or offend someone. That seems to lack compassion, and could come off as high handed or arrogant. You have to be responsible about how it will be received, too, or you won't communicate effectively.